For those celebrating the Lunar New Year, here’s wishing you sweetness and joy!

In midst of the celebrations, this week’s topic is an apt one as we reflect on the question: What makes you happy?

Through the years, both on a professional and personal basis, I have had the pleasure of exchanging insights with friends, as well as clients. The pursuit of happiness is certainly one of the top priorities of many.

Client: I am unhappy because…
Me: So, what would make you happy?
Client: Err… err… Don’t know. I am unhappy because…

If you don’t know what makes you happy, then most likely you will find yourself caught in an endless web of unhappiness. If you don’t know what makes you happy, then it is challenging or near impossible for anyone else in your life to help or give a little nudge.

Back in my dark nights of the soul, I was caught in a web of pain and sadness. At the same time, I also focused on what would be my dream life, what would make me happy.

I knew that if I chose to focus on the unhappiness, it will cause me to be stuck and likely, become bitter. I chose to move onwards and upwards as much as I can.

Day by day, month by month, year by year, I began to materialise the different aspects of my dream life. Because I knew what made me happy (for example, the pursuit of self-development, financial stability, expansion of my social circle, travelling, picking up new skills, etc.) I could work towards it.

Having clarity on what makes you happy allows you to focus your energy on what you want; not on what has already happened. Rehashing what went wrong (which is already in the past) will keep you in the past.

Some of you may ask: “B, I am going through a stormy time/ crossroads/ confusion, I have no clue what I want/ my SMART goals/ where I wanna be. How can I have clarity of what makes me happy?”

I agree.

SMART (there’s now a newer version called SMARTER) goals may be challenging when you are at crossroads or going through storms.

Instead, if I were to ask you “what is the quality of the life you like to have in (indicate your own time frame) year’s time – what do you want to have, be and do?”

I am sure all of you can reply.

We all know the quality of the life that we desire.

For example, it never crossed my mind all those years ago that I will be running my own businesses but I did know that working a few days a week in meaningful work is important for me. I had the phrases “only working a few days a week” and “meaningful work that makes a difference” on my dream board.

When the opportunity came to start my first business Dream Catalyst doing training and coaching, it became an easier decision to embrace as it aligned to what makes me happy.

If you are feeling unhappy right now, take some time off for yourself.

enJOY a cup of tea or coffee, relax, and then start thinking about what would make you happy. If your mind starts to go “but I can’t achieve that” or “how can I get that”, STOP and bring your attention back to what WILL make you happy.

When you are doing this exercise, the key word is “YOU”. Otherwise, what you desire is not yours but someone else’s dreams and it may give you an excuse not to move forward or to assign blame.

During the session, if your mind is a blank as to what makes you happy, then that in itself is an important realisation and insight for you.

Here are some possible reasons for the blank:

What may be other possible reasons that cause us to hesitate at embracing happiness?