Surrender Is Weak Strong and Incompetent Sweet

This month, we are going to focus on the word SURRENDER.

When you hear this word, what is your immediate gut reaction?

For myself, as someone who used to love being in control, the word surrender didn’t really jive, vibe or gel with me.

When I think about surrendering, it connotes weakness.

It means I am admitting I am weak.

That I am not capable therefore, I have to surrender.

But the wiser me now knows that being able to and knowing when to surrender can provide sweetness and strength.

For example, in my previous relationships, I hang onto them really hard for various reasons.

I kept believing in possibilities, that I can fix it.

Hoping and hoping that the other party and situation will change.

I refused to see the reality – that it takes both parties to want to make it work.

I cannot force them to change.

They have their own beliefs and values which differs from mine.

When I finally had the courage to leave, it gave me new lease of life.

In surrendering, I allowed sweetness to flow in again.

Embracing surrender enables us to continue living the good life:

Releases the anxiety that comes with wanting to be in control
Releases the stress of unfulfilled expectations that we have of others
Releases the tension of wanting others to act in a certain way
Expecting changes in others
Healthy for our well being
What other benefits can you think of?

Life is a balance of holding on, letting go, and knowing when to do which of the two.

– Anmol Andore

Surrender and the Sweetness of Life

Reflection

Is there a situation in your life that you are hanging onto which is causing you stress?
How will surrendering and letting go be useful for your well-being?
What is one action of letting go that you can take?

Action

Think of a time when you faced a challenge.

When it happened, did you believe that you had control over the outcome? Or did you believe that it was out of your hands, that it was all due to external forces or destiny?

The locus of control refers to the extent in which we believe that we have control over the situations and experiences that affect our lives.

People with an external locus of control typically feel they have no control over what happens, whereas those with an internal locus of control feel they do.

Your locus of control will:

Affect how you respond to difficulties.
Affect your motivation to take action for change.
Influence how liberated you feel when confronted with difficult situations.

While I have a strong internal locus of control and will persist through the most trying of times believing that destiny is a matter of choice, this may not always be useful. For example, in my earlier sharing about my past partners.

I have learnt that it may be more beneficial to adopt a balanced locus at times as it offers an objective basis for overcoming a challenge.

This means that when looking at an event that has happened, focus on what is within your locus of control and actions that you can take.

For me, I realised that I could not make the relationships work on my own. It was out of my control. I had to leave them for my own sanity and well-being.

Be aware of circumstances or factors that are out of your locus of control. Assuming responsibility for things that you cannot change is often a futile and painful experience.

Practice for the Week

When you feel overwhelmed by too much going on in your life, take a pause and spend 10 minutes on this practice.

On a piece of paper, write down all the things that are stressing you or making you unhappy. Allow yourself the freedom to be honest and write down every single thing, big or small.
Circle those that are totally within your control.
Next prioritise them, either in order of importance or in terms of how easy it is to solve them.
If you are able to at this point in time, list down one or two actions you can take on each item that will further enhance your well-being.