In this week’s Sunshine Inbox, I invited my friend Sharmala to share her courageous story as a parent journeying with her son who has been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and mild dyslexia.

There are many amongst us who are coping with non-visible challenges and/or disabilities. I am glad that increasingly more parents and individuals are sharing their stories online so that we the public can gain greater awareness.

My hope is that as fellow beings on this journey of life, we can grow in our understanding and compassion for those amongst us who are struggling in silence.

Even if we do not understand nor are able to offer help, we can simply be respectful, encouraging and have greater empathy.

Sharmala’s story:

The journey I have taken with my son is most definitely not an easy one. We have good days, we have bad days which are usually manageable, but we have days that can seem so bad that I feel so helpless.

My son was originally diagnosed with speech and language delays by the psychologist at his EIPIC when he was in pre-school. He was even advised by the psychologist at EIPIC that he could go to mainstream school despite him not being able to communicate very well, or even follow through with his school work.

That’s when I made the first decision to hold him back in K2 to give him time to catch up to his peers. Towards the end of his repeat year, I got a referral to NUH to the child guidance clinic and expressed to the psychologist my concerns.

As he entered primary 1, one year older than everyone else, I hoped he would be able to mingle with his peers, and follow the school curriculum, but I was wrong. He cried every day at the school gate; the allied educator had to sit with him and wait till he was ready to go back to class. The teacher would message me every day to inform me that he was crying, or he refused to participate in class activities, or that he was lying on the classroom floor. It was so painful to see and hear this. Imagine the trauma he goes through every single day?

While he was going through all this, appointments were made with NUH for assessments to see if he was on the spectrum. Based on my feedback to the child guidance clinic on how he was as a baby till he was 7, they decided to do two tests on him: one to check if he was on the spectrum and another to see if he was dyslexic.

At the end of the assessment, he was found to have ASD as well as mild dyslexia. Me pushing for the assessment has opened up doors for him. Now the Ministry of Education is made aware of his situation and could help refer him to a special education school. With speech and occupational therapy, as well as craniosacral therapy with supplements, and his attendance in the SPED school has paved the way to a life more manageable. He is a happier child, more communicative and expressive. He has become more sociable as well. Everyone around us has noticed his changes.

Do keep in mind, this doesn’t mean that he is getting better. There is no “cure” for autism. It’s about finding ways to manage what the child presents with. It’s about managing your expectations, embracing acceptance and doing something about it.

Getting here was not a smooth journey. We had so many bumps in the road. I made a big sacrifice for my family. I gave up financial stability over giving my time and attention to both my children. I took on a flexible role where I could work around my children’s schedule. We don’t get lavish holidays or eat at 5-star restaurants. Most days are about spending wisely, saving money.

I also share my journey over social media and with the people around me. You will never know who needs to hear that they are not alone in their journey. I’ve had people message me saying thank you for sharing the things you do with your son. It’s so inspiring.

It gives me hope that my child will be ok. I even share projects that I have created for my son like his daily schedule, or easy ways to count, even games to keep him busy in the train. I do my own research. I search for materials or create my own. I get to know my son’s interests and abilities. These help me come up with ideas that are more suited to him.

I worked closely with his SPED teachers, his speech and occupational therapists. I implement things they recommend at home and outside. I share them with my family so that everyone is on the same page. It takes a village to raise a child, but I believe it takes just one person first to acknowledge and accept that the child needs help. Denial never helped anyone.

Truth be told, I’ve never been happier in my life. My kids have been brought up learning how to be thrifty, knowing that family time is very important. They learn respect and love, they have empathy. They are generally well- mannered. They share their day with me. Not many parents can say that their children share their day with them. I am so proud of my children and I pray one day they can see why I had done what I did for the family. And that they will open up their hearts to others the same way.

“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.”
– The Dalai Lama

Note: if you like to pen an encouraging note to Sharmala after reading her story, you can either whatsapp to me or email me at [email protected]