In a retreat that I attended some years ago, we were invited to write our epitaph.

This is a phrase or inscription written in memory of a person who has passed away, often found on tombstones. It can also refer to something that serves as a lasting tribute to a person, time or event. The word originates from the Greek epitaphion, meaning “funeral oration,” combining epi (“upon”) and taphos (“tomb”).

Irvin Yalom, an existential psychiatrist shares that often times, brushes with death can be clarifying glimpse towards one’s unlived life; which refers to the potential and opportunities that someone doesn’t pursue, often leading to feelings of regret or dissatisfactions.  

While the exercise was stimulated and I did not have a near brush with death, it did make me pause and reflect.

I realised that up to that point, I had shed endless tears in my heart with regards to my relationships. That I wasn’t living fully living life. I decided that moving onwards, I wanted to fully embrace life and pursue my dreams of a brighter, better and bigger life. To actualise my dream boards. To be both happy inside and outside. As such, I decided my epitaph will be: Dancer of Life.

We need not wait till a near-death experience or major crisis to be awakened to your unlived life. Instead, I invite you to make time this week to do the tombstone exercise. It is taken from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and I like the version by Casey Rosengren.

Tombstone Exercise

Source: https://every.to/no-small-plans/the-tombstone-exercise

In this exercise, you will think about both a feared epitaph and an ideal epitaph.

The feared epitaph is written as if you died today, summarising what your life and behaviour has been about. It can be a powerful way to shed light on your unlived life. This is what you would not want to be remembered for.

The ideal epitaph represents your values, encapsulating the kind of person you want to be and the life you’d like to have lived, looking back from your death bed.  This is what you would want to be remembered for.

“The more unlived your life, the greater your death anxiety. The more you fail to experience your life fully, the more you will fear death.”
– Irvin D. Yalom